Making meaning: Hexagons and siblings
There’s a saying in family therapy that each member of a family lives in a different family than every other member of the family. That is to say that each person’s perspective, their relationships to the other family members, and their unique experiences gives every family member their own story.
What does that have to do with my mini hexagon quilt project?
See, it’s not only my goal to make more things, but also to make more meaning with my creative endeavors. As an art therapist, it was natural for me to wonder if there was any meaning underpinning my hexagon phase. Maybe that sounds like a strange thing to say — hundreds and thousands of you are out there with your own hexagon quilts and that thought probably never crossed your mind.
But the way the project seized me in the spring, the way I dove in headfirst and pushed the project into all of my spare moments, and the times and places when making hexagons became most important to me all added up to this: maybe there’s something there.
I’m the 2nd of 7 children. My parents are still married and my siblings all get along fairly well. No one is disowned or giving the silent treatment to anyone else. All in all, compared with other families I know, I can say we are doing pretty well. Still, you can’t grow up in a family of 9 without it affecting you profoundly and there are certain, recent family circumstances — intense shifting of roles, jockeying for position, new alliances where there was once tension — that may have made this hexagon project take on an extra meaning for me.
You may remember that the hexagons hit me full force during a time when we were dealing with the state of my parents’ house (including my mother’s fabric hoarding), when armies of my siblings were descending for “clean-out days” and some of the fallout was reaching all the way to my apartment, two states away. The hexagons came to me during my brother’s engagement and were in full force when I went to his wedding.
And then it hit me. Here we have a hexagon — a 6-sided shape. Each hexagon connects to 6 other hexagons. Each has 6 sides, 6 corners, and a center. No single group of rleationships has been so important in my life as the relationships I have to my 6 siblings. Hmm…
Since having this realization a couple of months ago, I have come to believe that the slow, soothing process of stitching hexagons is my way of processing adult relationships with my siblings. It is the way that I have kept some of my anxieties (about the changing face of our family) at bay. It brings me back to my childhood, when my world revolved around these 6 strangers.
I believe that hexagon fever held meaning about my siblings long before I realized it. But, if you’re a skeptic, you might wonder about a chicken-and-the-egg effect. Do the hexagons hold meaning on their own? Or have I simply foisted meaning onto them by thinking about my siblings? Either way, the articulation of that potential meaning has psychologically connected this project to my sibling relationships, and I now think of them more frequently, more specifically, and more fondly each time I stitch a seam. When I connect two pieces together, I think about the connections I have with these 6 wonderful, crazy, frustrating people. I think about how we have evolved as adults, how our relationships get closer for a while, or weaker for a season, but how we always come back to center.
As my project starts to come together, these thoughts and feelings intensify. Sometimes it takes a little hunting, but I love to discover this kidn of meaning in my work. Knowing that these meanings come through in my own personal work makes my professional work as an art therapist even more powerful. I truly believe in what I do, and that’s such a privilege and a blessing in my life.
If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:
More interesting food for thought.
My undergraduate studies were in photography. I was constantly drawn to doorways. I look back now (almost 20 years later) at photos taken during college and many many of them were of doorways. I used to have a recurring dream of walking through a house and in each room there was a door. I’d open the door and there would be another room with a door. It wasn’t a scary dream – just compelling. I was compelled to open the doors. In the photos I would often frame something I was looking at by viewing it through the doorway. Self portraits were taken in the door frame or from one side looking at the other. I’m still trying to understand these metaphors. I have some thoughts and I’m not sure I’ll ever be certain, but I know there’s something there…
Comment by Amy — 3 June 2009 @ 3:12 pm
I get cha here. So here’s something to ponder, all the hexie flowerettes have a red center except for the red flowerette which has a white center. Accident? Intentional? Hmmm… the plot thickens.
Comment by Leslie — 3 June 2009 @ 3:19 pm
Woo, Leslie, you’ve got something there. Mal, is the white center yourownself, surrounded by your sibs?
I caught the Hexagon bug this past winter; like you, I think there’s a strong sense of order inherent in the making – even stitches, tessellating shapes … but my metaphor ends there as I am one of only four children. I do think the act of handstitching provides a small pool of calm – and since I hit my mid-40’s that’s been a precious and little-seen thing!
Comment by Sally — 3 June 2009 @ 3:55 pm
I appreciate your deep thinking and the connections you make to your project. I love to do the same thing, quilts have such meaning and connection to life’s experiences. You articulated your thoughts with sincerity and love for your family. Thank you for sharing.
Comment by Kim — 3 June 2009 @ 8:44 pm
Actually, I envision the red as being me. Since I am exploring my personal connections to everyone, there is red in the center of every flower — including the “flower” created by the entire quilt.
Comment by Mal — 3 June 2009 @ 10:41 pm
i think it’s very interesting to ponder and come to a realization about why we’re doing the things we’re doing. and even more interesting that we do them somehow automatically for quite awhile before that realization strikes. i’ve thought about it quite a bit with my late winter/early spring eyeball obsession, where i slowly came to the realization that it was about seeing and focusing on seeing and thereby being more present in my life right here and now. that it was related to growing as a photographer and the vision looking through the lens of the camera lends. that what seemed wacky and a little off was actually a personally profound thing for me.
it sounds like you have had the same experience with your hexagons. isn’t it wonderful?
Comment by julochka — 4 June 2009 @ 12:19 am
Love your story, don’t think I have to explain, you know my work. Congratulations on finding your story, enjoy it.
Comment by Elizabeth — 4 June 2009 @ 2:20 am
Very thoughtful, Mal. Thank you for telling a little of your story. I love the quote about growing up in different families — wish my brothers understood that.
Your post is giving me food for thought for a follow-up post to my last one — thank you.
Comment by Lainie — 4 June 2009 @ 6:11 am
This is very interesting. Very often I have a feeling at the back of my mind when I’m writing or making things that there is a very specific reason why I’m doing what I’m doing. Lately, I’ve started to listen to it, and certain family issues that I thought I’ve been unaffected by are starting to appear in my thinking. I can’t quite put it into words yet, but I hope to be able to someday.
Comment by B — 4 June 2009 @ 7:48 am
[...] The box of fabric scraps in the basement began calling my name and I couldn’t wait to pull them out. I was sure I could use what I have on hand to make a quilt. I decided, after a bit of thought to use paper piecing to make a hexagon quilt. The inspiration for the pattern came from here. [...]
Pingback by Quilting Bee and Blogs I Read « The Smiths’ Occasional Blog — 4 June 2009 @ 8:27 am
Very well thought out. And on that note, maybe that’s why i can’t finish my hex’s!
…..hmmmmm? note to self.
Comment by V — 4 June 2009 @ 1:33 pm
Nice connections, Mal. No wonder the shape holds so much allure for you! I will look forward to seeing where you take it in the future now that you are aware of this symbolism.
I like the way that quilting can always stand for ‘getting it together’ — that is, the way the actual piecing of disparate elements is in and of itself an integrative act. That means that when all else feels like it’s whirling in chaos or falling apart, I can look at whatever I’m making and say, “but THIS is coming together…. “
Comment by Dee — 11 June 2009 @ 1:02 pm
Unbelievable. I wish I had the patience to make something so beautiful.
Comment by Jane — 21 June 2009 @ 9:25 pm